Virginia WaltonWhen we hear the term, setting boundaries, you probably think I’m going to be talking about saying No to some or all the requests you get from work, family, friends or community. NOPE! We’re going to start small.
This weekend was Memorial Day. What did you do? Did you relax? Did you take time to reflect and be thankful to those that gave their lives serving our country? Or as pandemic restrictions are being lifted did you fill your three-day weekend with get togethers, weddings and social events?
If you did the later, did you also try to keep up with your personal routines like exercise, reading, meditation, or whatever you do to take care of you on a daily basis?
Here is where we can start taking steps to set boundaries… baby steps. Hopefully you have some daily habits related to your wellness. These could be that quiet time with your coffee, stretching, exercise, a morning walk, prayer or mediation, a strict bed time or disciplined eating habits. It is easier to keep these habits when we are in a ‘normal’ schedule, but long weekends or busy schedules can put these at risk. Here is the decision point.
Do you force yourself to keep all of these habits while getting to all of these events, do you say “screw it” to your habits or to you find a balance? Let’s look a little deeper at each option
- Force yourself to keep your habits. You keep yourself to these disciplines but you may miss out on some fabulous food you wouldn’t normally get to enjoy, you leave the party/event early to get to bed on time, you stress yourself out trying to squeeze in a workout when there really isn’t time so your stress level is greater than the value of your workout.
- The “Screw it!” approach. You don’t stress out over a workout, diet or sleep. Cool! Stress level is low, but look now it’s Friday and you haven’t done one healthy thing all week so that mindset rolls into the weekend and now you’re off track and a month has gone by. You feel like crap.
- You look for balance. You pick the most important habits – maybe it’s that cup of coffee by yourself, the walk or a shortened workout, yoga so you get the mental and physical in one effort.
Which sounds best? I opted for choice three this weekend. We had Brian’s daughter’s wedding and the Memorial Day parade Monday, which of course meant Rehearsal dinner and other preparations on Sunday. So pretty much chaos! We opted to turn down an invitation to a graduation party on Saturday and just have a quiet evening to relax since we knew we had two crazy days ahead of us. I also scaled back my daily routines. I picked the most important like mediation and yoga because I knew it was going to be crazy and stressful so these would help me manage that better than reading or trying to squeeze in a workout.
If you would have picked the ‘Screw It’ option, there is nothing wrong with that. Going with the flow in the face of chaos can help you get through it with greater ease, but here’s the thing to be mindful of with this approach. Set a limit on this. If you’re weekend was crazy Saturday and Sunday, but Monday was not then re-establish your routine on Monday so that even if you need an extra day to get back on track you have Tuesday. Don’t let this approach go so long that you are completely derailed or worse, go backwards.
If you opted to hold to your daily habits no matter what, then accept what it means you’ll miss. If you are committed to not disrupting your sleep routine- awesome, but don’t beat yourself up for missing smores or campfires because you were asleep. Personally, I’d pick sleep over a smore!
The point is none of these approaches are wrong if you set the right expectations with yourself. Find your balance. It’s different for all of us.
This does not just apply to holidays or big events like weddings and graduations, it could be a week at work when things are exceptionally busy or short-handed. For my friends in accounting and finance it could be the first three days of a new fiscal quarter when you’re preparing financial statements and closing the books, or when a big project is coming due. Or to those that are volunteer with youth sports, it might be finding the balance with having to make some adjustments during the season to shorten workouts or give up a little sleep for a few weeks.
The point is life does not happen on a well-run schedule no matter what day planner/calendar system you use so flex with it to find your balance.
Thank you for taking time to be part of this journey. If you or someone you know are interested in learning more, please reach out. Drop me a message or comment on Facebook or LinkedIn.
Be well!