Virginia WaltonIf you prefer the video version, click here https://youtu.be/rbzt9Taxi_g
First and foremost, you are not alone.
Most of us know we are not the only women working on a career, raising a family, caring for elderly parents and trying to be of service to school or community organizations. However, we often think we’re the only one struggling to manage it all. We feel like everyone else is managing it with a smile and heals that don’t hurt!
Here is the truth!
You are not the only one struggling, you are not the only one that wants to cry, you are not the only one thinking it’s time to throw in the towel. We think that because know one wants to admit they are feeling that way. We are embarrassed, ashamed, discouraged and just plain tired. We are doing everything we can to hold it together because we think everyone else is. Stop!
It is okay to cry! It is okay to be afraid. It is okay!
The one way to normalize and know you are not alone is to talk about it.
Now that we know we are not alone and we have support, how do we improve.
- First step is to recognize the situation. Say it aloud if that is what it takes for you to make it real.
- Second step self-evaluation. I know you are thinking, I do not have time for that I am too damn busy. Make the time.
I know it sounds harsh, but if you want things to change, you have to do something different. You have to make time for you! I do not mean a facial or pedicure either. They are important if they relax you, then do it. But I am talking about time to take a look at your calendar, your quality of life and your values and ask yourself “What is out of alignment?”
If you run a line of business or a function and your metrics were off, you would pull your team together and evaluate the situation to get things back to a green status. It is time to do that with your life. I would think you are more important than your function. Afterall, a corporation can fill your role, but there cannot be another you.
Here is my personal confession.
I had worked hard and stepped up to every opportunity I had in my twenties and it worked! I was promoted in 2015 to Senior Risk Officer of the Commercial Division reporting directly to the Chief Risk Officer. That meant there were only two rungs above me and I was made a Senior Vice President. I was in a satellite office where all of the other SVPs were men in their 50s and I was 38. I had earned my seat at the table!
So now the fun begins.
- I have to build a team (correct, I was given open requisitions, not any of the current staff)
- I had to build and implement a function we had previously outsourced (PS- not a function I ever personally worked in),
- My boss thought nothing of sending me a text at 8PM at night or a weekend. He thought calling me from the car on Friday evening while I was at work was just fine.
- He waited until the last minute to review material and would want changes. It was exhausting. I would be in the office before 9am and leave after 7pm then add an hour commute to that.
- My workouts were suffering, my diet was crap. Some days I wouldn’t even get to finish the salad I brought because I was in meetings nonstop.
- My boss’s expectations were un-realistic, but I was too insecure to challenge them.
- I just kept saying yes and the days got longer.
The worst one was when I got home around 8pm, heated up something to eat as my laptop rebooted and worked until 11pm. I went to go to bed and found my cat, who obviously felt neglected, had peed on my bed! Now the tears start as I am stripping my bed when all I want to do is sleep.
Most days I thought about the joy it would be to go work at Target (my happy place) and say “fuck it’, but I am not a quitter so I endured. Guess what, in the end, I was moved out of my role to make a home for a peer from the other side of the merger. Slap in the face!
Yes, I had a comfortable living, my bills were paid, no debt, but no life!
I worked all week so late that any errands, appointments or household chores had to be on Saturday so no down time. Not to mention I was coaching field hockey and teaching CCD so the days I had to leave on time, there was more work after I served in these capacities or had to play catch up on Sunday. Every year I would go for my annual physical and when my doctor asked, how are you? I responded “run down.” He encouraged me to give up something.
I enjoy the kids I coach and teach, so I did not want to give it up. That was my source of joy.
How do you know when it is time for a change?
Listen to your instincts, your intuition, your gut, the universe, the little voices in your head. Whatever you call them! You know in your heart what you need to do, allow yourself to make the change.
Here is the other truth, what you need to do is unique to you. I cannot tell you what to change, but I can help you find your solution.
Everyone has a unique circumstance so there is no one size fits all. When you know you are ready but do not know what to do, that is where I can help you.
Remember you are not alone! I have been there and I have survived. Let me help you. Do not wait. You will never get the time back and life is too short to be miserable.
We are built to live not to just exist!