Virginia WaltonAre you controlling life with the twirl of your golden lasso or are you blocking off what life is throwing at you using those awesome gold bracelets? Maybe you are beyond that and just wondering how long can you do this; how did life get so crazy or out of balance; why am I doing this, how am I just going to get through today?
Most of us would love to say that we’re rocking everyday with the twirl of a lasso and some kick-ass boots, but let’s face it that is not reality. We do have days that at least start that way- you get up with the alarm, get in a run or workout before work, your commute is smooth sailing, you have time to clear your email before your first meeting and you’re just rocking along get shit done until, there’s some sort of fire drill situation at work, your child texts you that they forgot he/she has a thing after school and now you have to figure out transportation while dealing with what everyone thinks is a crisis at work and then when you finally leave it is bumper to bumper traffic. Now to deal with dinner and all of the demands at home. Those bracelets were shinny when you left but now, they are pretty scrapped up from everything coming at you.
If you are wondering how long you can do this, I’ll tell you will not be able to keep this up until you retire, unless of course you are counting down days rather than years or months. It is not sustainable; at some point you will hit the wall. My goal is to help you course correct before that point.
You may be thinking, that is great in theory, Virginia, but I live in the real world with a boss and an executive board. Having balance may be a company tag line or value but that does not apply to those at my level because there is only one of me and when I am out the works just waits. I understand, I’ve been there but let me tell you a secret. Ready…….. the work will always be there you can never really ever be done. It is time to start setting expectations, with yourself!
Are you a high achiever, viewed as a high potential by your superiors? Awesome. Me too! I worked hard, produced quality work, met my deadlines- nagging and annoying others for their parts along the way- but yeah, I got the job done. Guess what that got me? I was moved out of my role when a merger happened and politics came into play. Gut check time. It hurt but it was the best thing that happened to me.
I was seriously on the verge of burning out. I worried that one day they would find me at my desk in the same outfit as the day before, not because I had pulled an ‘all-nighter’ but because I dropped dead working. I selected my vacation destination based on the fact the resort restricted your wireless device access. As a ruler follower I knew I would disconnect if I was told I had to. My boss would never tell me that. This also gave me permission with my peers and superiors to disconnect. Not that I needed it from them by policy, but in my own mind I did.
I am not saying you need to get moved out of your role or quit your job. The goal is to help you find a new approach before hit the wall or quit!
First thing is to set expectations with yourself. Do a reality check on the pressures you feel and where are they coming from. Are they all from your boss or are you self-imposing some because you think that is what others want? If the pressures are not from work but are with family obligations, again ask is it really from your spouse, your parents, your kids or is it from your desire to take care of all of them and be the best spouse, child, parent, sibling and so on.
Odds are you will find it is a mixed bag. Identify the pressures you are imposing. Be honest with yourself about this. I am a big fan of lists so I would encourage you to make a list- write/type it. Make it visual so you can really see it. Then ask yourself if it is really necessary. Be tough. In this case, put some fierce pressure on yourself to exam these things. If you are really committed to this exercise, you will find how much of this is self-imposed.
You are tough on yourself to excel, be tough on yourself with this exercise and I bet you will find a good portion of the pressure is coming from your expectations of yourself or what you think others expect. Then, start letting those go. I promise you will notice the difference and maybe have more days with the lasso than bracelets.
Remember even super heroes need a break. There’s a reason Batman had a cave….
“I’ll tell you will not be able to keep this up until you retire, unless of course you are counting down days rather than years or months.’
This line struck me in that some of the same things you described happening pre-retirement happen in retirement (along with many other feelings that are a result of have that job where you were a valued employee and were “needed” within the organization.) Retirement is a whole other ball of wax, not without its overwhelming challenges. Retirement (for some) is not “finally having all that free time to do with what you always wished, liked or wanted (to do)”. Very insightful article maybe one of these days we can talk about the next phase, retirement! Love your writing style!