Virginia WaltonCorporate women, technology can drain our self-confidence if we let it.
NO, I don’t mean feeling inferior when we look at posts on social media.
NO, I am not talking about comparing our bodies to the filter-enhanced pictures of beautiful people.
I am talking about.
- Reading the tone into an email.
- Doubting ourselves because someone questioned us or said our suggestion was not necessary.
- Questioning and telling ourselves a ‘story’ when we do not get a quick response to a text.
- Wondering why we were not mentioned in a post when we were part of it.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone!
We need to stop beating ourselves up and wasting valuable time.
1. Stop reading tone into electronic messages.
Remember email, text, direct messages have no tone. You do not know if they are supportive, sarcastic, or snide. Stop assuming the sender is being critical.
I sent an email once asking if someone could cover me at Church on a Saturday since I had to serve on Sunday as well. I added something to the effect of being a bad Catholic for not wanting to serve at Church three days in a row. One gentleman knew I was joking and told me to try Scientology.
However, one woman thought I was serious and went on to share what a wonderful example of service I was and that I should not feel guilty.
Because the email lacks tone, she did not know I was being sarcastic.
2. Remember everyone has an opinion.
I am sure you have heard the expression “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.”
I knew this as a lyric in a song I overplayed in my youth but I was in my 40s before I truly understood it. This became clear as I sat in meetings with peers and started to notice, the pattern of everyone having to chime in, even if it was to say the exact same thing that had already been said with no additional value.
Everyone has some level of insecurity so often people are speaking up just to create his/her own feeling of self-worth. It has nothing to do with you!
3. Stop creating stories.
It is funny how many of us think of ourselves as not being creative, yet we make up entire conversations, scenarios, and even arguments in our own minds.
You get that email, look or comment and start to determine what that person really meant.
In minutes you are either ready for the fight or holding back tears.
Several peers and I received an email and I read it as a factual statement asking for someone to cover. One of my peers read it as a personal attack on her by the sender.
Sound familiar?
It is exhausting and worse, you do not get any compensation for these stories so either stop telling them to yourself or put them in a book so you can make some money on your creativity
4. Stop looking for the deeper meaning.
We often think there is more to the message or post. It takes almost no effort to send a text, an email, or make a social media post. As a result, they often have no thought behind them, yet we can spend hours wondering why someone would say that.
5. Remember, it is NOT all about YOU!
We live in this ironic situation of self-doubt and low confidence, yet think everything is about us. In most situations people are not listening to understand, they are listening to respond, which means they are focused on themselves. The same is true when they type, they are responding to their thoughts, not yours.
The first step to implementing any of these is to become aware, so I challenge you this week to start noticing when you start
1. Reading tone into an email or message
2. Telling yourself a story
3. Doubting yourself
4. Seeking the hidden message
5. Think that it is all about you
Once you realize you are doing any of these, stop!
The more you practice the faster you will start to become aware of these habits and the sooner you will refocus on productive uses of your time.
Remember stories only make you money if you get them published! The ones in your head are just taking up space.