Virginia Walton70% of our self-talk is negative.
70% that is crazy! But if you think about it, it is hard to dispute.
Most of us spend time rehashing, doubting, or beating ourselves up in some way every day. If you think you don’t, I’d challenge you to really take notice for the next week of what you are telling yourself.
So how do you improve that ratio?
First, start your day with gratitude.
If you are thinking I don’t have time for one more thing in the morning. I have to get the kids ready and out of the house for school, I’m back in the office, commuting, blah, blah, blah. I can barely get myself ready before dashing out the door.
That’s great! Yes, I said that’s great.
Once you are in the car, on the train, or bus, be grateful. Say three things you are grateful for to yourself or better yet, write them down if you are not driving.
You got everyone out! Maybe you did some things the night before that made it easier on your morning. Recognize that and be grateful.
If you get stuck in traffic, be grateful you are not the one in the accident. Be grateful that if you are at a standstill, you have the technology to call into that 9:00 am meeting or send an email to reschedule it.
Most of us did not have that option when our careers started. The technology did not exist. Meetings were in person only and cell phones were emergency items. Ummm, my first plan included 20 minutes per month!
If you have the time, I suggest you make it a habit to write down three items every morning you are grateful for.
It will be hard at first, but that is true of any habit. If you need help creating the habit, there are apps and journals to help you. Personally, the planner I use has a section for this every day.
If you are starting your day from a place of gratitude it puts you in a better frame of mind so your thoughts will be more positive.
Second, know your worth!
The next time you start beating yourself up for making a mistake, forgetting something, missing something, not catching the typo, or sending the email to everyone or the wrong person, STOP!
If you are part of my audience, I am willing to bet you have had multiple promotions, awards, and raises. They do not do that for people that do not deserve it.
Odds are you have been through multiple mergers or acquisitions and are still there, which again means you are valuable. Mergers are a great way for weak managers to get rid of underperforming employees without having to deal with the issue. They just put them on the severance list!
This requires you to flex your self-awareness muscle.
You have to start taking notice of the spiral of doubts and internal name-calling.
Once you recognize you are doing it, STOP, and remind yourself you are human. That means you are not perfect. Your boss is human and not perfect. That is true even if you report to the board of directors. They are all human and not one is perfect!
Hell, even IT processes are not perfect. Nightly jobs fail, systems crash, computers get viruses and databases get hacked. So, if something that was built by brilliant minds, user-tested, QA tested, and monitored failed, why do you think you have to be perfect?
Remember you would not be in your role or still with the organization if you were not competent and bringing value.
The last tool. No, it’s not wine!
I recently read that one tip to improve your self-talk is to talk to yourself like you would a friend because you would not call a friend an idiot or failure, but I thought depending on your friends, you might or might think it even if you didn’t say it.
The third tip is to talk to yourself like your HR partner was listening!
That’s right. If you would not say it to a member of your team because you know it would result in a call from your Human Resources, why would you say it to yourself?
You deserve to treat yourself the same you would an employee or team member, even if they made a mistake or were struggling. You would be kind and supportive. You would provide constructive feedback and encouragement.
So why do you not do the same for yourself? You are more important to you than anyone at a job.
If you need help implementing these new habits, I am here to help. That is what coaches do, help determine the new habits you need and hold you accountable to implementing them.
You just have to make the commitment. If you had any metric with a 70% negative score, there would be a full court press to bring it back into tolerance. Your own well-being deserves the same effort!
Ready to make a change, I am here to help. Let’s talk soon!